Wedding

GUIDELINES FOR THE CELEBRATION OF THE SACRAMENT OF MARRIAGE
Sacred Heart Parish , Hudson Michigan
Diocese of Lansing

Congratulations!

    The Sacred Heart Parish community shares your happiness and we pray that God will bless you abundantly during this time of preparation for marriage and throughout your married life. A marriage ceremony is usually experienced on two levels; personal and public. Marriage is personal in that it involves two different individuals who promise to become one in a covenant of intimate and lasting union. It is also public because it provides companionship, continues the human race and assures the welfare of family life and society at large. As Christians, we recognize a third dimension of marriage, the spiritual - the sacramental. We believe that marriage is the way God created for a man and a woman to fully express their love for each other.

The Purpose of this booklet.

    This booklet is a compilation of both the pragmatic and the spiritual - and is designed to be as practical as possible - to be used as a resource to help you plan your wedding.

Theology of Matrimony

    Marriage in both the Old Testament and New Testament emerges as one of the strongest signs and examples of God's love for people. All through the Bible, the call of husband and wife to love each other in unity - the two becoming one - is an image of the way God loves His people.

    In a society of changing values where it becomes increasingly difficult to make life-long commitments, it is of extreme importance that couples contemplating ministering this sacrament to one another understand what Christian marriage is all about -- an ever-growing, life-time gift of self in faith, hope, and love to one another and to Christ and His people, the Church. We share your joy in this great adventure together.

    As Catholic Christians we have always been proud of our conviction that material things put us in touch with our God. We use the wonderful natural symbols of bread, water, wine, oil, smoke and fire to remind us of the intense and irrevocable presence of God through Christ to the world.

    It is our conviction that in the human flesh of Jesus, God has forever bound himself to the world. Therefore, human flesh has been sanctified - made holy. Our own flesh is the presence of God to the world. It is the faith of the Church that when two Christians marry, something distinctive takes place. The man and woman who commit themselves to one another celebrate a
Sacrament. Your marriage is the revealing of God's love for us in a very powerful way.

    The following statement sums up the canon law aspects of marriage. There is much that is "legal" language but there is also much food for thought as you prepare for the Sacrament of Matrimony:

    We, in the presence of one another, individually declare our freedom to marry and our freedom from any known impediments between us. We hold marriage to be a life-long and faithful union; a process of choosing each other for our life and our love; a union which is open to children; a union which is modeled after and symbolizes God's ever-faithful love for his people. It is this partnership of life and love that we seek in marriage and to which we will publicly give our consent.

    Thus, the celebration of Christian marriage is not just the "couple's day." It is the day of the Church. Married Christians, in virtue of the sacrament of Matrimony, signify and share in the mystery of that unity and fruitful love which exists between Christ and his Church; they help each other to attain holiness in their married life and in the rearing and education of their
children; and they have their own special gift among the people of God. Your wedding ceremony is more than a private contract - or a "piece of paper" - it is an act of worship in which you promise your love to each other and receive promises of support from your families, friends and all of the Church community (represented by the priest or deacon.)

    The People of God gather to witness your exchange of vows, and to express their support, joy and faith through prayers, acclamations and song. The gathered assembly once again hears through you, the bride and groom, everything that God has to say to the world. As you minister the Sacrament of Marriage to one another, we formally call to mind the very covenant that God has made with us. We remember that no matter what, God will never forget about us nor will God ever abandon us.

    Your wedding ceremony is a special, joyous event taking place in Sacred Heart Parish, where you make a shared, solemn promise -- a covenant with each other and with God. You do this in the presence of God's people; your friends and relatives.

    The principal people in this celebration are, of course, you -- the bride and groom, who are in fact, the ministers of the sacrament of marriage. However, in no way should this celebration resemble a "performance" being given before an "audience". A wedding is God's people coming together to celebrate the love shared and promised by two of its members, and to offer prayerful support for this couple. May your marriage and every marriage ceremony be a reflection of the
Source of Love that has brought you to this day. May it be a reminder of God's love for your families and friends who gather to witness with joy and prayer your commitment to each other in Christ.

PARISH GUIDELINES BEFORE MARRIAGE:

    Overview: The "MARRIAGE PREPARATION PROCESS" is basically a three-fold blend of assessment, instruction and planning. The priest/deacon you work with will be concerned about discussing such things as: the freedom and readiness for marriage of both parties; the level of maturity; the knowledge of responsibility in marriage; compatibility in personality and
temperament; the understanding of and the ability to make a permanent commitment; the level of faith and the value of religion in your life as an individual and as a couple; the possible areas of religious differences (especially in a mixed marriage), and the understanding of marriage as a sacrament.

1.     The first step for a Catholic marriage is to contact a parish priest/deacon (448-3811) as soon as a couple makes a decision to marry, at least nine months prior to the anticipated wedding date. The wedding ceremony usually takes place in the parish of the bride and either the bride or groom should be a registered member of the parish. Making contact with the priest/deacon in order to begin the various steps of the "Marriage Preparation Program" is to be done before other arrangements have been made with regard to the reception, invitations, honeymoon, etc. Since Sacred Heart is a parish in the Diocese of Lansing, we abide by the guidelines set down by the diocese. A copy of these guidelines will be given to the couple at the time of the first
appointment.

    Attendance at Sunday Mass and regular reception of the sacraments of Eucharist and Reconciliation are necessary as part of your preparation for the covenant of Marriage. You need to be strengthened and healed spiritually of you to freely choose to enter into his covenant with the Lord and with another person.

    For your planning purposes, it is expected that the engaged couple will meet at least 3 to 5 times with the priest/deacon who will be witnessing their vows.

2.     Setting the date and time of your wedding. The first contact with the parish is usually through the secretary. She can assist you in determining which dates and times are open on the Master calendar of the parish. This date must be confirmed with the pastor. The celebration of marriage can take place any day of the week except those days which are specifically prohibited.

    They are: all Sundays of Advent, Lent, and the Easter Season; all Solemnities, Holy Days and Feasts; days within the Octave of Easter; All Souls; Ash Wednesday; and all days of Holy Week and the Triduum.. Sunday is considered to begin after the evening Mass on Saturday. During the main Liturgical Seasons of the year (Advent, Lent and Easter) the church is decorated with flowers and colors and symbols which may not match your color scheme. These decorations cannot be removed or taken down. If this is a problem, you may wish to chose another date - especially during the season known as Ordinary time - or the time after Pentecost (normally late May or June through to November.)

    If you choose a Saturday wedding, we suggest times between 11:00 am and 2:00 pm. This will allow plenty of time afterward for pictures and a receiving line and allow us to clean up the church and hall for the 4:00 confessions and the 5:00 Mass. Please note that funerals are held on Saturday mornings - as needed - and cannot be scheduled in advance. We will let you know as much in advance if there is a funeral to be scheduled for the day of your wedding. Funerals are usually scheduled at 10:00 am. If you choose a Friday evening, suggested times are between 6:00 and 7:30 p.m.

3.     Participation in a Vicariate-wide Engaged Couple Conference or the Married for Life Program. (a weekend retreat usually held in area parishes) is expected. This is a series of talks, presentations and discussions by married couples. Information on dates and times can be found by contacting Catholic Social Services in Adrian at: 517-263-2191.(The estimated cost of the weekend is $100 per couple.)

More information on the Married for Life Program:

Catholic Social Services
199 N. Broad St.
Adrian, Mi 49221

3.a.     Our Faith workshops - 3 nights review of the Catholic Faith - scheduled through the Vicariate. Interfaith couples, that is, marriages between a Catholic and a member of another religious affiliation, are required to participate in information classes in the Catholic faith. Non- practicing Catholic couples will also be asked to update their knowledge and understanding of
their own faith. This requirement is based on the fact that the Catholic party will be asked to make the mixed marriage declaration which is their promise to have their children baptized and reared as Catholic. We encourage the couple to discuss their marriage plans with the minister of the other party.

4.     The FOCCUS Program (Facilitating Open Couple Communication, Understanding & Study) is an inventory questionnaire that measures the level of agreement or disagreement of a couple on issues such as money, sexuality, in-laws, etc. It is designed to help you and your fiance study, understand, and communicate openly about many things that are important to your
relationship. It is a discovery and discussion tool and the process is meant for you alone. It is a very useful tool to ascertain your perception of self and the other in the couple as you discern your strengths and weaknesses as a couple looking toward the future. A sponsoring couple is meant to be a visible and concrete sign of Sacred Heart's Faith Community. These couples have been specially trained to work with you and to help you live the sacrament of Marriage. Team couples from the parish have been trained in administration and evaluation of the questionnaire - and bring the dimension of having lived marriage.

5.     Baptismal certificates of both parties. This should be a recent certificate and can be obtained by writing or calling the parish or church of your baptism. You can ask the church to send it directly to Sacred Heart - a faxed copy is sufficient temporarily but a permanent stamped copy should be provided. Fax:448-3811. In the case of an inter-faith marriage, the Diocese of Lansing requires certain forms to be notarized by the priest or deacon and permission from the Bishop. This is known as a dispensation or permission. These forms will be filled out by the priest or deacon with the engaged couple.

6.     Marriage License: This license is to be given to the priest at or before the wedding
rehearsal. As of this printing (August 2001), the state of Michigan requires the following:

a) You must be at least 18 yrs of age.
b) apply in the county where at least one of you resides.
c) Aids counseling is no longer necessary.
d) There is a 3 day waiting period - counting the day on which you apply.
e) The license is good for 30 days.
f) The cost is $20
g) To get the latest information call the Lenawee County Clerk's office (517-264-4599) for a
    taped message.

PREVIOUS MARRIAGES

    IF YOU HAVE EVER BEEN MARRIED BEFORE, YOU MUST BRING THIS TO THE ATTENTION OF THE PRIEST/DEACON DURING YOUR FIRST APPOINTMENT.

    If you were married before or are thinking of marriage to someone previously married, please let us know the situation in order to see if there is a possibility of being married in the Catholic Church. We cannot set even a tentative date in such circumstances until we see you. The Catholic Church recognizes the first marriage of any non-Catholic person to be a valid marriage regardless of where it took place.

    If one or both of you are entering a second marriage, the diocese requires participation in a fine program of Second Marriage Preparation through Catholic Social Services. The pastor can put you in touch with the office.

PLANNING YOUR LITURGY

    The priest and organist will assist you in planning your ceremony. It is certainly appropriate to have the wedding take place within the Mass. If one of you is not Catholic, or for another good reason, you may wish to have a wedding ceremony only.

    Since the very essence of the day is the unity of the two families, a wedding liturgy outside of the Mass might be more familiar to non-Catholic families and guests. The marriage is a sacrament whether or not it takes place during the Mass.

    There are various opportunities to involve your family and friends in your wedding. We suggest that you ask family members or friends to proclaim the Scripture readings, the Prayer of the Faithful, to participate in the Offertory Procession, to be ministers of Communion, servers, lectors, cantors, etc. Eucharistic ministers from other parishes are very welcome. Lectors do not have to be Catholic but each person you ask to read a Scripture reading from the pulpit should be comfortable in public speaking. If you have chosen to have a Wedding Mass, other people could present the gifts of bread and wine for the Eucharist. The booklet, Together for Life, as a planning resource will be made available to you.

BRIDE'S ROOM

    The parish hall - in the basement of the Church available as a dressing room for the bride and her bridesmaids. This should be left in good order for the next wedding party. Please assist us with the cleanliness of this room. Also, since this room IS NOT locked up, please do not leave valuables in the room while you are in church.

FEES FOR THE USE OF THE CHURCH:

    The normal fee for the use of the Church is $125 with a maintenance fee of $25. If for some reason, this causes a hardship, any donation is perfectly acceptable. We will not refuse to marry anyone because of their inability to pay this offering. But we are also aware of huge expenses willingly paid for such things as flowers, clothing, receptions, and limousines. If you are able to pay for such things, we believe that you should also be willing to contribute something substantial for the parish, for the time and effort required for your preparation. Please understand that the money you contribute does not go to the person officiating at the wedding. It is used for the programs and services of the parish - except for the maintenance fee which goes
directly to the maintenance man - who comes in to clean up on his free weekend time.

WHO CAN OFFICIATE

    In the case of a mixed marriage, the minister of the non-Catholic party is welcome to participate. The priest/deacon will be the official witness when the ceremony takes place in Sacred Heart Church. If you desire another priest other than the pastor of the parish, such as an ordained relative or friend of the family, he may be the official witness and it is encouraged that he be the one responsible for the pre-marriage preparation process when this is possible.

    It is possible for a Catholic person to be married before a non-Catholic minister provided proper dispensation from canonical form is obtained from the bishop. This, too, can be handled through the local pastor or deacon. (If you invite a guest minister, it is customary to offer him/her a stipend and pay any other travel expenses.)

REVERENCE IN CHURCH

    Because the Church is a place of worship, observance of proper decorum and dress is expected. At all times a reverential attitude and prayerful manner are appropriate behavior. Please no smoking or alcoholic beverages in any parish building is permitted - insurance regulations require this.

    We hope these guidelines and instructions will be helpful in planning your wedding at Sacred Heart Parish. Any further information and help can be obtained by calling the parish office.

    If for any reason, changes need to be made in the date of your wedding, or if you have any questions please call at 448-3811.

PLACE OF WEDDING

    The ordinary place of a wedding is the parish church. In the Lansing Diocese, weddings are not permitted to be celebrated out-of-doors, or in a high school, college or hospital chapel. Permission can be obtained for the wedding to take place in the church of the non-Catholic party, if desired.

TIME OF WEDDINGS

    Weddings are ordinarily celebrated on Friday evenings and during the day on Saturday. However, they may be celebrated on any day or night except Sunday. If the Saturday date is chosen, then the wedding must take place at 11:30 or 2:00 pm. No weddings are permitted in the Lansing Diocese after 2:00 p.m. on Saturday.

    The Church does not encourage weddings during the penitential seasons of Advent and Lent. If either of these periods is chosen, the couple should be aware that the Church decorations will be in keeping with the season and will not be changed for the wedding.

WEDDING REHEARSAL

    Usually a wedding rehearsal takes place the evening before the wedding. It is important to have all of the party there. Rehearsals last usually about a half-hour to 45 minutes. It is not necessary to have the musicians or photographers at the rehearsal.

MUSIC AT YOUR WEDDING

    Since your family and friends come to witness and celebrate your commitment to each other, to pray with you and for you, and to offer love and support, their involvement in the liturgy is essential to the celebration.

    Music enhances the joy of your wedding day. Care should be given in the selection of the music for your liturgy. Remember this is a religious celebration of a sacrament and music should be appropriate to that occasion. Above all, the music chosen for the ceremony should express your faith and love for each other, your guests, and your hope in God's love and protection for you. Hence, everyday "love songs" are not appropriate in a ceremony celebrating Christian love, when we rise above everyday concerns to celebrate something more than worldly love. A popular song, which you find particularly meaningful in your relationship ("our song"), could be prominently featured at your wedding reception. Music plans must be finalized with the pastor as early in your planning as possible.

    It is expected that our parish staff musicians, organist, pianist, cantors, will play at your wedding. Please consult the priest you are working with if you desire to use other musicians. Guest musicians, even professionals, may not be good liturgical musicians.

    Couples often plan their wedding with the assumption that all the singing will be done by a soloist. While a soloist may perform a worthwhile role, congregational singing of hymns, songs and acclamations reinforces the communal dimension of the sacrament. Soloists can indeed enhance this celebration, but care should be taken to include the congregation in prayer and song during the liturgy. If the wedding occurs within an Eucharistic liturgy, the responses and acclamations are to be sung by the entire assembly. The Lord's Prayer is the prayer of the community and should be sung or recited by all, not by the soloist.

    It is your responsibility to contact musicians, organists, guitarists, etc. Fees should be worked out between you and your musicians.

PICTURES

    Pictures may be taken during the wedding with discretion. Advise the photographer to check with the priest/deacon before the ceremony begins. The photographer is to be as unobtrusive as possible. He/she is never permitted in the sanctuary area during the ceremony. Flash photography is not permitted during the ceremony. He/she should be aware of time limits. Video
cameras may also be used but the camera is not to be located in the sanctuary. You may pose all the pictures you want after the wedding but we would like your wedding party to be out of the building no later than 4:00 p.m. (on a Saturday afternoon). Our maintenance man cleans up the building in preparation for the afternoon Masses and confessions. On Friday evenings, you may have as much time as is reasonable. Because the church is not a wedding studio, but a sacred place where a sacred action has just occurred, the arrangement of the sanctuary should be left undisturbed.

FLOWERS AND DECORATIONS

    Flowers are a beautiful way to enhance your celebration and we appreciate the gift of these flowers when you leave them in the Church for our weekend liturgies. If there is another wedding on your date, you may wish to go together with another couple for the flowers for the church. You may call the office for phone numbers, etc. Please confirm your decoration plans
with the priest so things can be coordinated with the liturgical season (Lent, Easter, Advent, etc).
Please have your florist contact the parish office to make sure that the church will be open when the flowers are delivered.

    Floral decorations should be genuine, simple and discrete in message. Flowers, plants or trees should never impede the approach to the altar or interfere with other liturgical actions. Flowers may be placed in front of or aside of the altar - but not on the altar and should not obstruct the congregation's view of the altar. Nothing in the sanctuary area is to be moved or replaced for accommodating flowers or candles. We cannot be responsible for storage of items that are to be returned to florists. Please instruct your florist to retrieve all rented items as soon as possible following the ceremony.

There are not to be flower petals used at weddings. The obvious reason is our carpeting.

Please do not use any kind of tape to secure bouquets, pew markers, etc.

CANDLES

    Candles are prescribed for the Sacred Liturgy and will be provided by the parish. If you wish to have a special arrangement of candles, you are to make your own arrangements about its purchase. We will provide candelabra and candles if you wish to use them. Any special candles should be dripless and should have globes. Candles that line the pews of the Church can be
dangerous when people are entering or leaving the pews. Any special decorations must be authorized in advance by the pastor.

AISLE RUNNERS

    Aisle runners are permitted; however, before you order one, consider the following:

a) We have a carpeted aisle. Aisle runners were once used for the practical purpose of protecting clothing from rough
flooring. And we discourage them for safety reasons as well.

b) Renting runners costs money.

c) They are usually of paper or plastic, which punctures easily - especially under the pressure of spiked heels.

d) They very often tangle and prove hazardous to members of the wedding party and/or guests, especially older ones who       might be going to communion.

    If an aisle runner is used, it is the responsibility of someone in the wedding party to dispose of it properly, immediately after the wedding. The length of the main aisle is approximately 80 feet.

MISCELLANEOUS:

1    .The practice of lighting a Wedding Candle - Unity Candle - is not an official part of the Catholic Marriage Rite. It is, however, a practice that many couples include within the liturgy after the exchange of rings. If you choose to do this, we ask that you provide a candle or arrangement of candles. The candle may not be placed on the altar.

2.     Another practice in many churches, though not an official part of the Marriage Rite, is the presentation of a floral bouquet to Mary. Where this is done, it is recommended that it occur, during a Mass, before the final blessing. Other options might be to present Mary with a bouquet at the wedding rehearsal, or to have a bouquet placed in her honor, in a fitting place, before the wedding.

3.     Please, no rice, grass seed, confetti, rose petals or birdseed thrown in the church vestibule or outside. (This is part of an ancient fertility rite: each grain of rice to fall on the bride was considered to be a future child.)

4.     Many couples decide to have a worship aid - or "program" printed to be used at their ceremony. This can encourage active participation in the spoken and sung parts of the service and helps those who may be unfamiliar with the Catholic Liturgy to understand its basic structure. It may also provide a thoughtful remembrance of the occasion.

    - Avoid printing too much. Do not print the text of prayers, readings or vows. These should be listened to, not read. Scripture passages should not be printed - but merely the citation (Gn 1: 1-10) Printing of the assembly's responses to the various parts of the Mass will enable guests to participate more fully.

    - To enable everyone to sing, print both the words and the music of songs, refrains, and acclamations. An invitation might also be put at the very beginning of the program asking the assembly to join in the sung and spoken prayer of the wedding ceremony. Please be sure to secure the proper permission to print any copyrighted music. The organist will assist in this
matter.

    - The list of ministers such as members of the wedding party, readers, musicians, and family is printed on the last page. The service is printed first, since this is the most important part. You might conclude the program with a printed message to your guests, thanking them for joining you and appreciating all that they have done for you over the years.